Do you ever feel a little lost? I have felt lost since I have moved. I guess it has been a little unexpected. I just figured I was an adult and wouldn't have a problem moving away from my everything I knew because I still had my little family with me. But I have really felt a little lost. I thought I really wanted to be in Idaho with my family and that was where I belonged, but after leaving there I realized that wasn't where I am supposed to be right now. I want to be back in Ogden doing everything I was doing before but that's apparently not where I am supposed to be. I know I am supposed to be in Arizona but I don't feel like I belong here. I think part of it is because I don't know where I am going to be in a year. My future is uncertain. We may stay in Arizona, we may move to Florida for a year, I guess I just hate the uncertainty and I hate not knowing what my future has in hold for me.
I have been praying for something to do so that I don't go crazy, usually volleyball fills that need. I have applied for a few jobs here and there with no luck and then I was contacted to coach JV volleyball at a high school down here. Just what I need right? Unfortunately, I did not feel good about it. I liked the coach, they seemed willing to work with me and the kids, the position was exactly what I was doing in Ogden, the pay was better, but something just wasn't clicking and it has made me kind of sad! I want it to work but I just don't think we are ready for it. Will someone explain to me why I was even given the opportunity to do what I love but not feel good about it?
It's not that I don't like Arizona. I love the heat. I am excited for the winter to go for walks and go to the park in December. I love swimming everyday. I like knowing I am five hours from the beach and Disneyland (will we get there, I don't know). I like the people down here. We have made good friends already and made friends for the kids. I am excited for the things Arizona has to offer. We are going to a Diamondbacks game on Friday and are planing a camping trip to Sedona in a couple of weeks and hitting up this huge water park just north of us. They are sure to be a lot of fun.
I am just still feeling lost. I hope the feeling is just from moving and I will adjust in the next month or so. All I can think of is getting a job, buying a house, and settling down. I want a permanent place for my kids to grow up in and a yard where we can play baseball and volleyball in the back yard.
I found my airplane ticket to Hawaii and hung it up in my bathroom mirror to remind me why we are doing this. Sometimes I have to go in there and pet it to help me remember.
Anyways, I got this "urgent" call the other day. It was Mark telling me to hurry up and get the kids in their swimsuits because they had this cool blow up water toy for them to play on. When I got there, I found two male adults in the regular shorts going down it! Don't worry it was just Mark and his friend and fellow student stripped down to their shorts cooling off! Here is James going down head first!